Uninvited

"Someone Like You" By Adele makes me wander off to a simpler time that was filled with lust, laughter and new emotions.

I fell in love for the first time when I was about 21. 

You were confident and persuasive with your intentions.  Charming and charismatic men were not really what I thought of as my “type.” 

We split after way too short of a time together.  Circumstances and the stars didn’t align.  I contemplated a search once I’d moved a little closer to you.  Time and alcohol convinced me it wasn’t a great idea.  Time brought more men my way.  I fell in love again and married.  But you were never far from my thoughts.  Ever. 

You found me first.  Evidence that you thought of me often too?  But again, circumstances and the stars were out of alignment. Way out of alignment this time. 

Years passed.  Years that should have rightfully erased your face, laugh, touch and proclamations of love. 

The stars aligned and bit and pieces of information fell into place.  I found you next.  With a lump in my throat and an unfamiliar giddiness, I made contact.  You remembered.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

It felt wrong.  Probably mutually. 

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Over yes, finished no.  I had questions that I held back.  Best not to ask if you’d really loved me once upon that time.  Did you think about me over those years when the stars were out of alignment?  When circumstances dragged us apart.  I didn’t ask.  I made one simple statement that said it all and you responded in kind.  It was a mundane statement. 

I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg

Do you have things you want to say or ask?  Or are you feeling the past is where it belongs.

I remember you said,

Until you and I are together again, nothing else matters

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

It was fun.  We laughed and loved.  You told me to “deal with it” the first time you told me.  We came close. Probably best that we didn’t, but I’ve sometimes wondered what if.

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

We All Need a Johnny

A few things about Dirty Dancing:

1.      I know what happens to Baby in the following years.

2.      We all need a “Johnny” in our lives.

First off, Baby returns home before she leaves for college.  She’s home just long enough to pack and fill her girlfriends in on Johnny.  She goes to college to save the world.  She dates others, falls in love again, but still smiles and wonders about Johnny when he crosses her mind via a song or some other random memory.  She always wonders what it would have been like if they could have continued their affair.  Would it have ended badly? Would her family have accepted someone who was on a different life path?  Would it have ended at all?  But life happened, it did end, and she moved on.  Or did she?

Watching Dirty Dancing today made me think, we all need a Johnny in our lives at one point or another.  A man who teaches you something about yourself, life, sex or all of the above.  A man who is dangerous in one way or another.  One who won’t be acceptable to family and possibly friends.  But one who is also hot, sexy and burns in your brain for what seems like eternity.  The one you’ve seen cross your grandmother or mother’s mind.  The one they get teary over while watching a movie or hearing a song. 

This is particularly poignant for me because my Johnny reappeared.  After a brief chat online, my most important question was answered by him.  He answered in a simplistic way that only a man would.  “Me too.”  It was all I needed to hear to put him where he belonged in my soul.